One Month

Grieving is a complicated process. It's not predictable. Things don't happen in any particular order and no two people grieve in the same way. For me, the experience has been a series of waves. Each wave brings something new to the surface. Whether it be an unfamiliar emotion or a reflection on history, it requires sorting out and dealing with. So far, I've been handling each wave patiently. I don't rush the experience and I don't avoid it. I welcome it. As strange as that may sound, it's part of "dealing" with loss. Every time I overcome one of these moments, I feel fuller as if I've learned something about myself and the world. These moments have potential to create change and help us grow as individuals. They're reminders of what is truly important in our lives. The sorrow I felt yesterday reminds me to appreciate the joy I have found today. The grieving process teaches us so many things about life and that's why it's so complicated...that's why we all walk away from the experience having felt something unique and individual. Life is complicated within itself. Add to that, a loss of great magnitude, and it's no wonder that we feel overwhelmed by the grieving process. I mention this today because it's been a topic in our family these last few days. We're all sort of lost and unsure about our place in the world. Grieving is like being on a remote island in the middle of no where without a map. There's no right direction to go. There is no simple way to get off the island. Moving forward is all we can do...hoping that wherever the path leads us, that we'll find peace and happiness once again.   

It's been a month since Eric died. It may seem like a short period of time to many, but for me, it feels like a century. Distance grows each passing day. In remembrance of Eric, I put together a bouquet of silk flowers and wrapped them in ribbon. I attached a tag as a symbol of my love. The tag also has his name, which helps to identify his resting place. Right now, there isn't a stone at the site. We have to wait till Spring. Minnesota Winter doesn't allow for thawing just yet. Another month or so for the snow to melt and the cold temperatures to subside...maybe in May we'll be able to place a marker for our sweet Eric. In the mean time, these will be with him:

Completely changing the topic, I sat down last night in the quiet of the evening to do some scrapbooking. I finished up a layout I had been putting off for a few days. I started it last Friday. I got stuck on it at one point. It just didn't feel like my usual layout. Two photos. A red, pink, cream, and black color combination. Lot's of open space. How do I finish this thing? Well, at some point, you just give in and start gluing stuff onto the paper. That's exactly what I did with this layout. I suppose you could consider it a "Valentines" theme layout.

The swirls are Basic Grey rub-ons and I filled them in with gold gel pen ink. The bird is from K & Company's new "Urban Rhapsody" line. I outlined it with a black pen and filled the edges in with gold gel pen ink. Remember, you're drawing doesn't have to be perfect. The messy, sketchy look is more natural than the perfect, stream line look.

Bits & pieces. Don't be afraid to combine things that don't always feel like they belong together. Use color as a gauge when creating a cluster of items on your layout. Play around with orientation. Move things around on your layout for ideas. Only adhere them after you think you've got everything where you want it. What I commonly do when I'm creating a grouping of items (cluster)on a layout is to create each grouping one at a time. One cluster here and another here. Focus on the weight of the cluster. Does it balance the rest of the layout? Does it give direction? Does it promote movement within the layout? Clusters are markers..they're stopping points for the viewer...little signs that say "look here". You just have to make sure that the placement of each cluster contributes to the overall flow of the layout. Is it on a "path" that keeps the viewer within the space of the layout? Direction is really important when playing with clusters. They're the defining areas of the path. So pay attention to where you put them and also what you use to create them.

You know me, I can't get enough flowers. I'm a flower junkie. I use them on almost all my layouts. I think they add texture and depth to a layout. They're also very playful and fun, which is entirely my style. There are so many things you can do with flowers. You can combine them with just about anything; die-cuts, chipboard, stamps, hand-cut fabric, ribbon, pattern paper, and more. Bring them forward with pop-dots and accentuate them with swirls, ribbon, doodling, leaves, etc. At one time, I was afraid to use flowers on my layouts. I just wasn't sure how to use them. Now, they're standard. So many of us use them...it's unavoidable, even on "boy layouts". Smile.

I may not be blogging for the next two days. Don't be alarmed..just busy with scrappen' stuff. CHA is nearing and I have some design work that needs finishing. Be back with an update on Thursday or Friday. Thanx!

Comments

[Laurel Witwen]

You are learning and growing as you go and we are fortunate to get valuable lessons as we peak into your world. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
I am TRYING, trying to add some of the layering in my pages. I tell my friends you almost have mini pages on your layouts. The clusters are so wonderful. So many little details. Look forward to seeing what you do for CHA!
Have fun!
Love,
Laurel

[Angela Smith]

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. On February 6 it will be the seven month anniversary of my father's death. He was killed in a motorcycle accident. I am still learning the whole grieving thing and don't think I will ever get used to it.

Keep your chin up...I know at times it is difficult. Hugs to you and I love your work..so beautiful and touching.

[Gaby]

Hugs! I know times goes slowly in this kind of situation.

Love your work!

Thanks for sharing!

[Wendy McKee]

okay so when are you writing a boook???????? because seriously i would buy it!!!!! i love your style, love , love ,love it!!!!!!!!!

[jackietex]

I LOVE your layouts. The colors are great.

[corinne delis]

I think you are handeling it well so far and moving forward is the only thing you can do as you said so well. Love the lo, you amaze me with your talent over and over again!

corinnexxx

[Mel Nunn]

I'm with Wendy!! We are your fan club chicky!! Write us a book!

Glad to see that your mind is set in the right direction... the sun will shine again for you. Thankyou so much for letting us share your journey. I am honoured.

Hugs.... Mel

[Veronica]

Hi Girlie

You take care of yourself. In which ever way helps. Do not worry what others think. What matters is that you heal and keep doing what you love.

Thanks for sharing with us. I'm sure you are helping someone who reads your blog...and understands losing their love.

Thanks Christine!!!

[Laura]

Christine - I wass once on that island trying to figure which way to go...you are so right - it is such an individual and unique journey. I'm so glad you are being honest with yourself and true to the process. You will come out a richer, deeper, more in love with life person and in that, you will honor Eric.
Your layout is once again gorgeous and I agree you should write a book or at least teach an online class :) hint...hint :)
Take care of yourself!
Hugs - Laura

[Anabelle]

Still keeping your in my thoughts. I'm sure each wave you go through is rough, but you're handling it with such grace. Such a beautiful layout. And the flowers are stunning.

[Jody]

Thinking of you Christine. I totally understand how a month can feel like forever...and yet it seems like only yesterday at the same time. I just love that you are taking the time you need- to reflect, to focus, to cry, to create, to dream and to remember. It is ALL a part of the process.
I love your silk flowers for Eric and your sweet Valetine layout too. I learn something from you everytime I stop by your blog. Thanks for continuing to 'share you'. All my love and care. xoxo

[Cyndi Hoehn]

Sending my strength and good thoughts to you.

I'm with the other girls - write a book!!!! I like your style and I would love to have an inspiration source to put my hands on while scrappin'!!!!

[Tiffany]

Grieving is a process as you said..but it is amazing what we learn at the end of it, when the heartache and the challenges slowly start to disappear and we see a brand new person emerge. Someone who is stronger, has more faith and more willing to live life, that is when we truly understand how important it is to grieve and give it time. I am so proud of you. While I am not in your shoes, I have had to do some grieving myself....and at the end it truly is like seeing a beautiful rainbow at the end. Praying for you today.

And I totally agree with everyone on here. You must write a book or teach an online class. I would so sign up. You create the most beautiful layouts by using embellishments and strips of paper. I am blown away everytime you post a page. Inspiring.

[Aleida Franklin]

Sending you some love and admiration.

[Missy]

Christine...Hugs....

I came across your blog early in the year and fell in love with your style. I have been so inspired by your layouts that it shows in my pages....my style is changing..but then it is forever changing. Thanks for sharing your beautiful pages and tips to help enhance our layouts and photos.

[Colby]

Thinking of you in this time of grief and change. You are such an inspiration to read...your strength during such a time of grief. May you and your family have much comfort in the days ahead and may you be such a strength to each other. Lifting you up in my prayers.
On another note...LOVE your work!

[paige]

christine your flowers for eric are simply gorgeous & filled obviously, with much of who you are.
honestly, that ole' grief will sneak up on you & i agree--that first month can truly seem like an eternity.
anyway...
great layout !!!

[ben]

i've realized that as much as i want to deny, my mother's passing is the best thing to happen to her, she was suffering and very sick and the release of her body from the pain she was in makes sense somehow.

But I guess, the same thing with all deceased loved ones, you feel regret, wishful thinking and thinks of the what might have beens, and that is the most painful feeling to get through.

[Ashleigh]

I totally agree with a fellow poster that you should right a book. I too would buy it! Just wanted to let you know I am praying for you.

P.S. I'm loving the LO!!!

[Kim Faucher]

Very inspiring post Christine.. I love your layouts... love those photos of your boy.. getting so big!
great that you used the red/pink with his contrasting colors in the photos... so amazing!
thanks for sharing them with us!

[Jennifer]

Thinking of you.

[Julia S]

That is a beautiful arrangement to leave..the tag is very neat. And add me to the flower junkie category for sure. They just make me smile! Smiles to you too! :-)

[Anam]

The book idea is brilliant. I think all the posts from the last year or so would be amazing material and so helpful to others. You have shared your inner most feelings in these posts and done it with such amazing grace. Your story is worth sharing.

Peace,
<3 Anam

[Stephanie Howell]

thinking of you often, sweet friend.
xo

[casey boyd]

You inspire me as always...to be a better person and scrapbooker.